This is such a Jean® Classic move right now — not like new Working Jean who has no free time and passes out at 10 PM every night, but Jean® Classic. I foolishly drank a caffeinated beverage around 8 tonight, am now awake at 3:30 AM watching Cyberbully on Netflix, which I think is an ABC Family Original Movie. I mean, it has to be. No other network but the home of Secret Life of the American Teenager could come out with this shit. It’s so: LOOK, THIS IS A SERIOUS TEEN ISSUE (like teen pregnancy… like in that show we did… with our portrayal was so realistic and hard-hitting and not totally laughable. Or written by aliens.) Yeah, basically Secret Life in movie format. Swap out pregnancy with bullying and teenage uterus with the internet. You get the picture.

First of all it’s got Kelly “I MAY LIKE MY CHARDONNAY, BUT I AM NOT GONNA DIE ALONE AND THAT’S MORE THAN I CAN SAY FOR YOU!” Rowan as the overprotective mom who keeps hearing about this mean, scary “Internet” thing and wants to protect her vulnerable daughter from it. Everything that kid posts online turns to disaster in two seconds and Kelly Rowan can only sit by and watch, totally horrified. Love it. But also there’s the:

•  Bad acting (a given)
• Overly dramatic reveal of who one of the cyberbullies TRULY IS
• Video that the cyberbullies posted online A.K.A. the trigger of main character’s suicide attempt, which is SO lame it couldn’t cause any real person to remotely consider suicide… except this girl who then has one of the most melodramatic fake suicide attempts ever filmed (honestly, the Harvey Milk suicide was less dramatic/crazy than this)
• Moment the best friend calls the mom to say “I think she’s trying to kill herself!”and  Kelly Rowan’s “Oh my God” comes out sounding more annoyed that concerned
• The scene where Kelly Rowan is screaming at her daughter in a parked car about how she needs to go to a support group, and her right eye is twitching LIKE CRAZY THE WHOLE TIME (and they didn’t edit it out? Oh, ABC Family. You so funny.)

You know. The kind of stuff you mostly think is hilarious at 3 AM.